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Another old one, from late July 2007. My God, I've suffered from this for so long. That's at an end, now, work's become fun. The post feels unfinished, but the seed of the thought is worth having.

On the professional front, I find that I'd like to not care about the quality of design, but can't. It's a losing battle because I'm probably the person who cares most, but has to answer to everybody. Yeah, sure, it's just a job, but it could (and arguably should) be done a whole lot better. I actually lose sleep over this stuff. I thought that maybe my time and skills could be bought (arguably the whole concept of employment), but they're not paying me enough that I can lay aside the need to find a really good solution. From a moral standpoint, one could argue that it's good to not sell out... but every morning I'm a little more tired.

This brings me to the section where I spiral, again, to wondering if I can have better control over things. What I'd really like it to be a designer - from making clay things to conceptual architectural design - and for people to value this enough that I can make a living.

Large scale sculpture and public sculpture remain possibilities. I make work, follow and refine each concept, sometimes lay it aside for a year, a couple of years. The interest is in exploring the idea, in the discovery. Unlocking the puzzle and making those pieces that sing is only one step...