Despite removing the description from my blog some number of months ago, I find that I'm still an idealist. Sure, I can give up on it, but for me there's something not right about giving in anything shy of the best it can be. I make lasting contributions to the world; the best is the only way to go.
I'm not incredibly happy with life as it is, and I pretty much know what I'd be giving up to chase something else. But I haven't the slightest idea where that gamble would lead. So in this scenario I leave architecture to go for grad school. Well, the grad school life would likely rock. Architecture school was great, after all. But what after that? No clue. Whole life in an upset.
Compared to the current life including a lot of known factors. It's a huge gamble. I need a change in life; maybe I'm not convinced that a total upset is the answer. Quite a few people I know are going that route lately, or thinking about it. Another has realized she's not particularly happy with her career, though sometimes it's adequately engaging, and hasn't decided what to do about it. And another of my friends is about to move back to Singapore after almost ten years in Chicago and the States. Who knows if it'll go well; maybe the grass is greener, maybe not. What's a girl to do?
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While graduate school was intellectually rewarding as was my post-doc, I was also stressed and poor to boot, but I never really considered myself poor. I was wealthy in many ways because I was surrounded by knowledge and the quest to understand how the world works. It was a very challenging experience and I "matured", but I never want to repeat that ordeal again. It was kind of funny in a way. I was being taught a way of Science that is vanishing as we speak. Small research labs where a scientist mentors his students and helps them learn to think rigorously - those days are gone. The grant money is going to labs that are factories. I could be wrong, but that is how it seems to me. I feel that I was obsolete the minute I graduated. But the odd thing is I was never happier than when I was being challenged.
I don't know what your plans are, but I do know that you are very intelligent and talented. You also seem happiest (lately) when you are at play with clay. Maybe it's getting your hands dirty, the feel of the clay as you mold and shape it (the intimacy), or maybe you are a closet fine artist. Perhaps you are too imaginative for cubical work, but you must follow your heart and find your Bliss. Only then, can you be content, or at least quench for a little while, the restlessness that drives you to create. The best artists (and scientists) are driven. Seek and ye shall find, Julie. You'll be fine, and you need the challenge for now. Sooner or later though, you will know what you want to do and you'll do it. You'll do it well, too!
All the best,
J
There's more to life than grad school. And work.
if you were to go to grad school, what would you study?
I've been considering what exactly it is that maeks me happy, or at least defines a good day. It's a combination of challenges and easy productivity, and of creativity and logic. Plus some time to just exist - mentally if not physically relaxing - outdoors, but sometimes indoors, like if I have a good book to read. Maybe it doesn't have to be in a day, but to include all these in each week, at least, is wise.
Oh, and I like variety; many tasks to do (though not too many pressing deadlines, that's too stressful) so that if I run out of juice or lose interest in the one at hand, that I can pick something else to work on. The more interested I am, the longer my attention span; even so, one gets tired at some point.
Volaire had it pretty well: Doubt is an uncomfortable position, but certainty is an absurd one.
You're probably right about grad school; it exists in at least one place for ceramics. They don't really need people capable of changing the world, not anymore.
Being intelligent and talented seems like more a curse than a blessing these days.
There is more to life than work, but the hours of my day in which I'm capable of the best and most are spent at work. And I don't do the best and most because nobody asks for or appreciates it. To the contrary they want just enough to squeak by, and I spend my time frustrated because it could be so much better.
Grad school would be ceramics.
There is more to life than work, but the hours of my day in which I'm capable of the best and most are spent at work. And I don't do the best and most because nobody asks for or appreciates it.
School or profession or grocery clerk, are we ever working on anything other than our souls?
change often feels like one is throwing oneself under the train, but - the alternative is suffocation.
The most profound change in my life - leaving my x after 21 yrs with no excuse other than crushing boredom - ended up easy in the end. After much coaxing he told me he was completely happy with life as it was and wanted absolutely nothing to change. I asked myself only one question "can I do this for another 30 years?" and the answer was swift and conclusive. I began planning to leave.
The last 10 years have been a wild ride, completely unpredicted. I've tried much, learned much, and grown far more than I ever imagined possible.
Next year I'm turning my life over again - occasionally fearful, but inspired and resolute. If I succeed I shall be strong beyond my wildest dreams...
Change - not for the sake of change, but for the sake of growth - is life itself.
Personally, I adore school, grad school - but would wonder why you are going to grad school for pottery? Is it the most effective way to gain skills or is it just a way of delaying getting out there real time in this new endeavor? If I sound sceptical - it comes from observing folks with writing MFA's - some quite prestigious- who simply learned to write like each other.
I wish you well and wish you courage as you plunge into a new world!
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