Answering my own question.

Some weeks ago I wrote: Here is a question for the ages: do I need to change my situation to fit who I am? Or adapt who I am to the situation I am in?

When I made the post above, the main question on my mind was where to look for my next job: here in Chicago, or to chase one in Jackson, Wyoming. Why? Because I was feeling stifled in Chicago. I love the outdoors - for activities, and for just *being*. Chicago is not too outdoorsy.

A third option was suggested by a thoughtful person: Rather than changing the situation or adapting, is it possible to remove one's self from the situation -- to see one's self as above or aloof without vanity?

Yes, it is possible. With some amount of hesitation, trepidation, and uncertainty, weeks later I am here and it is there. My whole life right now is like learning to walk all over again. Except, I am walking already... hesitantly, uncertainly. I'm doing it without understanding, and trying to observe what I am doing so that I can set myself in motion again without being pushed.

Somebody made a comment about controlling ones mood. In my experience, one has to learn the mechanics and execute and execute and execute, deliberately, the mechanics to build a conditioned response, or reflex, or a second nature.

My question assumed a true understanding of my situation - which I didn't have then and probably don't now, though my present perception is clearer.

The problem of the outdoors - I can handle a solo road trip.

The problem of occupation - there are more jobs in the city. There are more things to do, too. Things I am doing, things I want to get back into, things I would like to learn.

The city can be stifling but like anything else that can be bad - it can be managed. I found a new method for getting to work, that lets me avoid most of the stifling.

The problem of people - well, that's a newly identified problem. I'm a tough kid and can get through most anything flying solo. Don't know what to do about this one, only that it can't be forced. Statistically speaking my chances are better in the city. I've met two kindred spirits in the last two weeks and that gives me some hope.

The problem of the job: there are more good things than bad about the current one. And I don't have to let the bad things bother me.

Nonetheless, all four firms that I wrote to, would like interviews. Distances: 1400 miles (if I'm in the neighborhood), 20 miles, 6 miles, .5 miles. I've had the middle two, with the last this week and a second interview (for 20mi) this weekend. The 100% response rate is unprecidented and dizzying.

Worrying is counterproductive but I catch myself doing it. Or just fretting and being generally anxious. Catching myself and making myself stop is a good first step. In school it was pointed out that Le Corbusier's chapel at Ronchamps was the benefactor of some stray lines in a sketch...

To answer my own question: first, understand the situation, including yourself. Then, act as necessary. To answer the specific question: I think I will head out there sometime, someplace, to the woods and wilds, to live. I have a sense that the time is not right. This part of the journey isn't over yet.

So for now, I will breathe, watch, wait, and listen. When the time comes, I will act. At least, that's the idea. I still feel very young. But I am, so maybe that's a good thing.