Saturday, July 01, 2006

Still the idealist, perhaps.

Right now I'm in Cleveland visiting my family; Dad turned fifty yesterday. On my drive from Chicago I encountered a drunk and angry man at a rest stop... and was rather horrified. Things don't need to be this way.

This is part of me? Tough to see, even tougher to accept. Yes, I could be that, too; I have that capacity. But, I'm not that - I'm this. Or am I?

It's tough to see and accept things like that... actually, I won't claim to accept it. Not today. There it is, I cannot stop or change it, but I don't accept that it "has to be" that way.

Expectation, attachment, suffering. Why?

"Dirty Dancing" was on yesterday; my sister and I watched most of it. This scene caught me by surprise.

That was something. People treat me like I'm nothing because I am nothing.

That's not true! You're everything!

You don't understand the way it is for somebody like me. Last month I'm eating candy to stay alive. This month, women are stuffing diamonds in my pockets. I'm balancing on shit and I can be down there again.

No, it's not the way it is! It doesn't have to be that way!

I've never known anyone like you. You think you can make the world better. Somebody's lost, you find them. Somebody's bleeding--

I go get my daddy. That's really brave, like you said.

That took a lot of guts to go to him! You are not scared of anything.

I'm scared of everything! I'm scared of what I saw. I'm scared of what I did, I'm scared of who I am. I'm scared of walking out of here and never feeling for the rest of my life the way I feel when I'm with you!


Perhaps courage is doing what needs to be done in the moment, because it needs to be done, and being what is, because it needs to be done.

What makes life worth doing?

What is enlightenment?

7 comments:

CE said...

Fear can be a natural reaction. Most of the time it is. The point is not to suppress it, but to feel it.
Suppressing a natural reaction may actually strengthen it. One must be able to endure fear without giving in to it. However if you think running away is the best solution, run away. If fighting back, then fight back. Otherwise just stare it down. This is best way to fight psychic fear. My opinion.

jbmoore said...

Life is risk. Enlightenment, perhaps in simplest terms, is freedom from fear and willingness to take risks. After all, if we are truly spiritual beings leading human lives, and death is an illusion and doesn't exist, then what does one have to lose and are risks just an illusion as well? You suffer when you accept and play by other people's rules, but when you play by Divine Rules, there is no psychological suffering and only freedom. I'm not saying one should ignore natural laws and laws based on natural laws for one's own safety, just that some human laws are meant to convery wisdom and other laws are meant to control people for the benefit of the few. Take risks. Stand your ground when you see a wrong being committed. Change only comes when people question authority and leaders and assumptions about how the World (natural and manmade) works.

Jim said...

24 plus 10 months, really? I guess.

Patry Francis said...

You're asking the important questions.

anonymous julie said...

Imemine, something like that. I mostly opt for dashing directly into it - good way to dispel illusion!

Jbmoore, I'd argue that true freedom is only attained by questioning every apparent authority.

Jim, wrong post. September 4th. Really. I was born in 1981.

Patry, welcome, thank you.

Andrew said...

Julie: This is a bit late, but worth sharing, maybe, because of the similiarities. On the train in Toronto I encountered a drunk and angry man, too: he had to be restrained by some college-aged guys and later when they took him off the train at the same stop where we got off, he was pissing somewhat against the wall but mostly all over himself. Everyone was trying very hard to disappear as they walked past.

Does it "have to be" this way? I don't know. I suppose I have to leave it at the fact that it IS this way, this is something that happens, and so begin to be present in each situation as it arises, whatever it is. I don't have any profound explanation for it apart from the usual psychological or religious reasons anyone could give; but just a sharing, here.

anonymous julie said...

Andrew, I get email notification... respond whenever you have something to say, it's never too late.

I don't think it "has to be" that way... but it is this way. If there's something to be done about such a thing, I'd know at the precise instant that I'd need to act. Any explanation would just be words, anyway, and I admire you for admitting not to having one... I mean, people always want to explain things. And it's not like an explanation really does anything, it just fits the experience into some neat package. But here it is. Messy. I don't know. But... I appreciate you sharing. What else can we do, really?