This is my response to Isaiah's recent post, a news flash to me. (Sorry, Andrew, I just didn't want to ask about the title of yours.) That was the first I've heard of this. Then I read the comments there, then the article. I want to throw up, I want to cry, I want to give up. This is insane, too.
I do not want to rationalize; I do not need to think. That path is a dead end; it resolves nothing. I'm afraid, I'm not. I care, I don't care. I feel helpless; if there's nothing I can do, then giivng it another moments concern is wasted. Yet I wonder if I could wake up tomorrow in a world that's entirely different... not in an overnight-world-events kind of way, but like putting down one book and picking up another. That easily swept into something else.
It works out, it doesn't work out, it works out another way. We live, we die. The world changes, the world continues. Every possible outcome happens; the probability wave collapses and we only experience one of them - so what happens to the others?
And I daydream about 300 acres in Wyoming, chickens, sheep, a couple cows, and a big garden. Incredibly simple homes that work in their own climate. True architectural innovation. Yes, friends, I do want to run away from all this insanity, and be free to just enjoy life. I have my fantasies. And many days I enjoy life just the way it is. Hell, this, here, now - is enough. Anything outside my field of direct experience might well be a dream, anyway. So is that, at the end of the day, just a way to cope? Or does it somehow reflect how things really are?
I love the smell of tomato plants on my hands.
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12 comments:
Ah... the smell of tomato plants on my hands... one of the most fine things about this life!
anonymous julie said...
So they are the same, it just depends upon how you look at it.
Well, that's strangely comforting. At least there's only one thing to be looking at, and I am.
It's been a bad couple of days...
1:14 AM
Dan said...
A bad couple of days, when taken as...
(The word verification for this comment: upoop)
Dan said...
And, I might add, it takes some upoop to grow those lovely tomato plants...
(word verification for this one: azumm)
Change is permanent.
"So is that, at the end of the day, just a way to cope? Or does it somehow reflect how things really are?"
Please let me know the answer to this as soon as possible.
For now- I just want to hold you and all my friends and my family as tight as I can and say, "I Love You."
And as necessary as a big hug!
shan; it's not really worth worrying when there's nothing to be done... fatalistic, maybe. but it's not as though worry has helped me yet!
dan; it is, isn't it? bad, because sometimes things just get to me and i do not particularly like that but haven't yet learned to easily extricate myself. these things happen, they are temporary, they are often brief, but knowing that doesn't help much, either. i had some of the cherry tomatoes this evening, they're really nice.
imemine; inasmuch as there's no going back, sure.
isaiah, i don't know. for the most part i am content to admit it might be either, sometimes i fell that it's the former and wish mightily it were the latter... not the best days. wish you were here, then.
peishan, while it's true that drama seems to be a natural part of things, i do wonder if it is really necessary? on one hand, contrast is needed. on the same hand, familiarity breeds contempt. what, then?
dan, aye.
I just experienced the most wonderful event, an 8 hour power outage in the whole area. In my place, no lights, no computers, no sounds from electronics, some candles, a lot of heat, very hot and sweaty, just sitting, not doing a thing, some thinking, waiting, it was different for an evening, unexpected. The smell of tomatos on your hands, same thing.
Hi, Julie, I guess my response is the post on my blog.
Tomato plants, huh? Don't know much about that--just that I don't like tomato texture very much. Ketchup is better than tomatoes in my book!
Julie:
Wyoming... tomato plants... can I come with you?
I mean, from one perspective it looks like escapism, but on another it's just doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you. It isn't as though I live my days quaking in my boots about terrorists (I don't), but sometimes it just comes down to--and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way--thinking, "Enough of all this shit." What's needed is a critical mass of people not only feeling that way, but then doing something about it.
Imo, it's great that you're able to move between two worlds - the insane one, and your own sane one. Not that it wouldn't be a lot better if the whole thing were sane!
But that ability to be able to step back and enjoy your own piece of ground and your own mind and heart is a beautiful thing. Life is infinitely poorer without that.
Jon; I guess my response is over there. Find a tomato plant and make friends with it sometime.
Andrew; would you? Please?
The thing to do, it seems, is to be here, now. People can and do get drawn into that. That's it. What else is there, anyway?
Darius; thank you for the encouragement. I find it disconcerting at best, though I've gotten used to being disconcerted. With more practice comes greater ease; I'm looking forward to that.
Julie,
You want to move to Wyoming? Follow your dream. In my experience, your heart tells you the truth....always....every time. It is best not to ignore it.
Blessings
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