"The important thing is to know that God loves you."
What P. Curt said rang true, even if his words didn't. The exchange underneath was probably more an acknowledgement - truth, truth - even as our minds struggled with words that would connect. We were exchanging words, ostensibly to catch up, as it'd been a couple of weeks, but I just wanted to assault him (friendly-like!) to say hi. To be; same space, voice to voice, eye to eye. Loving our neighbor is the big thing, too; and we love because God first loved us. What's all that supposed to mean?
There's no way to summarize where I'm at right now. It's clear off the charts, birds stole the breadcrumbs, it's dark outside. And I'm wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
Words are endless trouble; it's still simplest to say that I don't believe in God. Not that God, certainly.
An atheist with faith, he suggested. No; who needs faith, when you know? Know what? Know. He let me go without explaining, when I said that I'm maybe not really an atheist but that the old God is long gone, what exactly kind of God I believe in. He suggested that it's a good thing; I agreed. It is a good thing. And I do know, and all the while keep it hidden from myself.
The exchange itself - is what matters. What happened beside, around, over, under, aside, inside, the words themselves. I don't know how to explain it. The whole thing was perfect as it was, and anything outside of that immediate - doesn't matter.
But I still wonder: what God do I believe in?
Beyond everything that's been questioned and laid aside, something is. It is tiny, and expansive; quiet, and deafening; eminent, and untouchable. At this moment, present; at others, nonexistent.
What am I? What is outside of me? Everything, and nothing; everything, and nothing. All these questions have the same answers; are the questions all about the same thing? (Probably.) Look, but not too closely...
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I call this questioning, "How small is your God?" line of questioning. Some believe in a God they've been taught by others. Some believe in something greater and more loving. Some just know. For them, the word "God" is a dead end, a closed concept. I've glimpsed that Sacredness. I'm part of it and so are you. You've glimpsed it as well. Everything you do is done towards experiencing that Sacredness fully. You'll never be able to understand it for it is beyond mind, beyond intellect. You have realized that Sacredness. That's all that matters.
God is.
John; your response might be called, "how small are you?" Your answer is too small.
::nods to imemine::
You describe that so well - the kind of interaction that can be spiritually significant even though you don't draw any firm conclusion from it. And maybe that's even part of what gives it significance.
"There's no way to summarize where I'm at right now. It's clear off the charts, birds stole the breadcrumbs, it's dark outside. And I'm wearing sunglasses. Hit it."
That's "It" Too!
Clear off the charts, crumbless, with sunglasses, darkness and all!
Always gambling.
God is your ultimate meaning, the meaning of you who is the thinker, doer, schemer, all you. Your meaning is between you and all that is yours, be it people (and it should be) or be it stuff and the like. So your meaning is in your relations with others (or stuff), and the quality of those relations is the quality of your meaning and thus your God.
There is only One God, but each individual has his/her own relation to that God, hence his/her own meaning, this meaning/relation phenomenon 'grows' or develops thruout your 'life'.
You may think (pretend) that you control God therefore, you can control your relations to and with others thus control your meaning thus determine your relation to God, thus determine God for you....But that is not entirely true, you can effect it, but not control it.
I think it is that simple, what do you think?
If so, you should concern yourself with your 'people' and your 'relations' with them, that is the area of meaning manifestation. And so on.
Let me know if you like that.
Gotta love the Blues Brothers reference.
As here-and-there as your "thoughts on God" may seem, they make perfect sense to me.
Isness...suchness... that is all I can longer claim to know or "believe in" (if belief = trust).
Thank you for the resonation.
On a post a while back I called myself "an atheist in love with God." Now those words are just words... They don't fit the situation now.
It's probably hard not to "wonder" about "what God," but perhaps it's better if you don't.
This/You is/are Wonder.
Darius, yes, something very much like that.
Isaiah, yes, it is, isn't it... *sighs* ... just a long day.
Jim, I think you're making it too complicated.
Trev, no - thank you - for the echo. For anyone to understand anything at all is the thing that can't be gotten except as it happens. It's very good to have a little company.
Jon; I understand what you mean. Wondering is as fine as anything else, if handled with equal detachment. It's easy to think that the answer matters, though, isn't it.
Julie,
If i do say so myself...you are asking the right questions. Questions few folks ever ask. It may seem like an unsettling "place" to be in, but that sort of deconstruction allows the way for new growth, a new vision. It seems like your "vibe" is on to something. Just be still and listen.
Blessings
AJ, with all due respect, that is as simple as it gets, You, the seed that you are, the fullness of yourself from that, your meaning in the fullness of your life, that meaning is your total form, that as Your God, ie, yourself in full as a given and yours to God over, if you want it 'more' than that or simpler seeming, you are trying to complicate it for your own purposes.
And if you reject this higher self of your own, your God, then you are hiding from yourself, or you are denying yourself, why is yours to find out. No offense intended, all due respect to you AJ.
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