I nearly died again today. The air raid sirens went off; after a couple minutes I called the office to see if it was my imagination. A funnel cloud had been spotted and was headed toward Lincoln Park, a neighborhood a mile from where I was at the time. Great time to be in traffic in my car.
(In the afternoon there'd been some, pretty far north of the city; they get clobbered all the time. I'd been on the roof deck before leaving work; the clouds over downtown were incredible; it had that mixture of light and dark that comes with bad weather, a sort of eerie glow, but none of the weird colors. It was so clear how the wind was moving on the water, from up there. Thought I saw a couple waterspouts trying to form on the lake, figured it was my imagination. Guess not. Camera phone would've been cool.)
Once I was off the phone, I was under a mile from my destination, and it seemed wiser to go for closer shelter than to bail on her and go home. The rain, nonexistent when the sirens sounded, got torrential just before I reached my destination - a concrete building, with parking garage. All safe.
It was surreal to be wandering through a shoe store and wondering if death was on its way. My friend was twenty minutes late coming from downtown, I managed not to worry much. Later in our expedition, I was overtired and hungry, and started feeling depressed and wanting to die. Not because I want to die but I'm not all too attached to life. I commented to her that rest and food would solve the problem, so it was funny that death was on my mind. It's odd to experience such emotions, and also be able to stop, just stop, and know - this - [space]. What a weird dichotomy. I'm dead already.
We went back to my friend's house and made crepes with crushed pecans and chocolate chips inside; it'd been a long week for each of us, and we were both silly. (The best way to make crepes, by the way, is to blend the eggs and dry ingredients, then add the milk and water. Much smoother consistency.) Then her husband joined us and we played a game for awhile before I came back home. I absconded with the loose sweater she'd lent me; the house was cold. It's a cozy sweater.
When I arrived, fire trucks were pulling up to the apartment building a couple of houses down. I'm pretty sure that nothing had happened; they left in about ten minutes.
What an odd evening.
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7 comments:
Are you serious? When I was a little boy they told me you'll never know when you are already dead. You just keep going on maybe in another world, maybe in a dreamstate. Funny, I believed them.
Not your time, yet, Julie-girl. You get to stick around a bit longer to help out clods like me.
Interesting though, isn't it, to have no fear of death? As Peter Pan said, "to die would be an awfully big adventure."
Imemine, of course I am, but what about? That I'm dead already? In so many ways, I am, or, I suppose, might as well be. I probably won't notice and will just carry on, like the Martian composer in "Stranger in a Strange Land."
Jon, "Julie-girl"? How sweetly endearing! You'll be there when you give up. It is interesting, yes; I have a sense of invincibility, but no need to test it. Good review; I'll be watching the movie.
julie,
I'm afraid you are taking Jesus' idea too far. To live is to die. Or is it "to die is to live"? One shouldn't live by a formula.
What's the point of ignoring or negating yourself? Don't be fooled into thinking the ego is already dead. And don't try to be in conflict with it by resisting it violently. This is how you acquire schizophrenia.
Try reading the Desiderata. It's a better formula.
;>)
Imemine; Don't, don't, don't! Why the wet blanket? You misunderstand! There is observation and acknowledgement, no fighting. I pointed at the nearest approximation (as I understand it) of the idea, no formula to follow. No need to worry.
Death is the last and greatest adventure on this side. When you feel truly forgiven, it has no fears. You must be forgiven.
I'm including these two comments from my new blog in case you don't get back there right away:
2 Comments:
anonymous julie said...
It's funny, Larry, I just wrote a blog entry that mentions Jung. I like what's written here and am looking forward to learning more about both characters... glad you found something really interesting to work on!
8:28 PM
Larry said...
My first commenter! Bless you, dear Julie. Jung has been big in our family for a long time.
He came from a long line of ministers on both sides. He took 'Christianity's' measure at an early age.
However he found that about all of his patients over 35 were suffering from the alienation of leaving their faith orientation
Larry, thank you!
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