(It's a song title.)
life with artificial sweetener
"I just felt like destroying something beautiful." -fight club
I don't know if I care whether there is more or not. "it's completely fucked up, and it's completely perfect."
This might all be a dream. I know that. There are unexplained places where things seem to connect and the confirmation comes afterward; I am reluctant to believe they are coincidences.
Still, I'm caught between always alone, always have been, always will be - that nobody (who, of course, only appear to exist anyway) can understand... and that it doesn't matter, never alone, never have been, never will be, the things around me only appear to exist... but what seems to lie beyond oscillates between a friendly void and one that it merely... empty.
And despite not wanting to be alone, at the same time I want to see if I can chase everybody away, I mean, if that's really the natural condition of things. If I do create my own reality, or at least my own apparent reality, this doesn't strike me as a very unbiased experiment.
It's all true - and none of it - stuck in the middle, and on both sides.
Just a bad Monday morning post; it all just happened, and is still yet to come.
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12 comments:
Well, as only you can say, "It's all true. None of it."
Like Trev mentioned on your last post, I start "getting" your posts about the second, third time I read them...and absolutley enjoy the way you write.
You are original; I'll say that, and I'm glad I don't understand you at first glance, I'm glad I am forced to run your words through my mind again and again...because they generally end up making sense to me.
Hey- funny thing is when "this" actually happens, this what's yet to occur, we seem to not know about it as well as we do... sometimes. Other times, we get it completely, and never know it.
No matter how fucked up it seems- it's (whatever it is) everything we want; it's the light we run after while chasing our shadows.
PS: I leave your writings with weird little thoughts as momentos-
Everything I believe is false; it's true! Believe me, if you don't.
Hey, found you thru Isaiah and I have to agree with what he said - your post is very though provoking but it took me awhile to get my mind around it.
I can't say I am having the same thoughts as yours but I've been having similar ones.
Yes there is more, yet more, Time is never empty, You and your belief creates your reality, you get what you sow. You are a seed. You are growing. Mondays are not so bad, you made mine a little better. Keep moving.
I've been bothered existentially by any number of things, but the "nothing but a dream" thing... I never quite got that.
I mean, it can't be meant literally. We go to sleep and that's when we have dreams and people see rapid eye movement...
So it must be more like the idea that everything is subjective? That just seems so - counterintuitive. For there to be this prolonged subjective state in which you have visions of other beings that look a lot like you do. And all these other people we dream up also act just like other people were real - in our totally subjective vision...
And then there are these perfect regularities in our subjective state. If you see what appears to be a big rock and drop it on your toe, it hurts every single time.
In contrast, we experience things like literal dreams, or hallucinations, and all the entities we perceive as other beings don't know about the stuff that happens when we're in these definitely subjective states unless we tell them. This seems to distinguish such states from waking consciousness and the marked appearance it gives of consensus. I mean, if the electricity goes out, people living nearby also claim to know about it and to be similarly inconvenienced.
I think if it were all a dream, life would have less regularity. Also that it would lack all that boringness. I'd hate to think I'd have dreamt of sitting in the back of Mr. Lambert's math classes for two full years in high school wishing I were anyplace else. That would be a really stupid dream.
Maybe it is irrelevent, but Darius is talking about 'dreams' and I would like to say something about that.
Darius and most people talk about a 'dream' as an 'action' or temporary activity that occurs during certain periods of sleep, in which action, the person sleeping 'dreams up' things and people.
But all dreams are more than that, they are 'connections' and 'communications' of the person sleeping (as entity) and various levels of their totality, these levels being 'ongoing continuums' that are parts of the whole entity we know of as 'awake being'.
These connections/communications always, regardless of level, are synchronizing the different time continuums within the whole, creating integrity, either by taking out, subtraction, or including, addition, and both of these involve 'rearranging' the particular spaces relative to each other anew. The 'waking' entity is always to some extent 'new' everyday. This is what nighttime is for, and nighttime precedes lighttime because you start new, not start old, the nighttime/sleep period is a 'dealing with the increase FOR TOMORROW, it is a 'for tomorrow' not a 'yesterday' end. It is a pre-paring for 'being'.
My apologies if I wasted your time.
So you're alone in the playground, but both it and your playmates are illusion.
One question remains:
Who are you?
(Methinks you'll enjoy Ashtavakra, my non-existent friend!)
Isaiah... thanks. I deeply enjoy your response.
Barbara; thank you and welcome.
Jim; it was a rough but perfect start to a f***ing wonderful (it was that good) day.
Darius; no, of course not... "dream" and "nightmare" are my shorthand for things of the same nature... whether it seems pleasant or not makes me vary the word.
Jim; that's one way to look at it.
Jon; this:
!
If it means freedom from suffering, yes. You'll get over it. ;>)
I think we all want to explore the boundaries of life that bound things together, no?
<:Frimmin'!>
Imemine - thanks! *wink*
Travis - yeah, it's par for the course; this is one end of the spectrum... but the day was totally wonderful.
Bert; huh? Sure!
Jon; *wink* you know it!
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