It's been more than a month, and though I've written missives and epistles to friends, I've had little to share here. This is partly a response to Andrew's latest post and partly digressions.
I.
I did know that Joyce was a man, though it took me several readings to catch the parody (I'd forgotten the original line). Walk in a forest and find out what those brutes do, untended; they drop leaves. I have fond memories of jumping into gigantic leaf piles; we had two large pin oaks, a pair of poplars, a pair of walnut trees. That's a lot of leaves.
But most of my memories are of burnt orange to brown leaves. This year, for whatever reason, is a yellow year. Yellow locust, yellow maple, yellow everything, gold everywhere on the ground. Left in the street they turn orangeybrown, but the sidewalks are yellow yellow yellow. It seems to me much cheerier and I'm quite enjoying the display.
It is my intention to have a yard not requiring mowing, and comprised of native prarie plants, and garden (which will, I know, require weeding).
II.
On the subject of Apple products, I've learned the hard way that laptop batteries last best when fully charged, then discharged, and not left sitting plugged in all day. It may be that the Apple guys new there were bad logic boards out there as well, and didn't tell me when I had my machine in for its tendency to unexpectedly turn itself off. I'm torn between selling the MacBook and buying another, or trying to get the current one repaired.
Relatedly, my desktop Windows machine died the day after Thankgsiving, so I'll need to buy a new one, as well as the software I use.
It's been a few days since all this started and I'm not so stressed over it, but the prospect of spending a couple (or more) thousand dollars unexpectedly is, nonetheless, annoying. I haven't decided what route to go; I'd like to do all my work sitting on the couch, but would be okay with rolling a desktop and LCD screen around to do so - the benefit being more computer for less money, and a whopping big LCD.
Before that began, I was looking into buying a Wacom tablet. Anybody use one?
On music: a friend (actually, the guy who came up with it) turned me on to songza.com and it's made for some fun at work. It's ridiculously easy to use, so check it out. Search for music you want, start playing, make a playlist, jam for hours. It makes me feel a bit more lively to have stuff playing, especially that I know and like; it also helps keep my brain busy, as part of it likes to sing along. Andrew aptly wrote of the world disappearing; the more it can be shoved away, the better.
And before all that began, studio headphones topped my Christmas list. I hate earbuds, and have a cheap pair of quasi-studio headphones at work; the artificial leatherstuff is flaking off so I have to check my face for black bits of plastic pretty frequently.
III.
There is that, life as liturgy. Though for the last few years I've felt rather disconnected from the liturgical calendar, finding that no holiday feels like itself, or often feels like a holiday, even. I wonder if I can look forward to this for the rest of my adult life, and the predictable conflict of family members that can't live and let live, and let everyone try to find his own way. Everyone's a sinner.
IV.
The idea of having favorite moments is a nice one; without major changes they'll be few, and too fleeting. Get up in the morning, drag in to work, do meaningless stuff all day... I can't help but wonder if the need to make work goes back as far as any other ritual. Whose work provides anything other than convenience? Few! The moment of escape only leads to What Other Damn Things I Have to Do Before Bed, far less frequently to finding Something Meaningful to do. It should be no wonder to anyone that the house is so infrequently cleaned, there are much more important things to be tended to than dust and cat fur. When is my life ever mine?
Why bother, Andrew asks? Because it means something.
Or really, because the anticipated effects are desirable. Maybe all that's meaningful is the hope for something more.
V.
It was nice to sit around on... Friday? Saturday? Sometime, the feline went nuts. He would try to toss things in the air and bat at them, apparently see something clear across the apartment and dash off, only to come back the next moment and go skidding around the corner to check the kitchen. These things are much funnier when they don't awaken me. And a couple days later I saw a really nice moon.
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With the Windows system, how did it die? Does it power on at all? If it's a Dell, you can buy a power supply for $75 and install it yourself.If the lights come on, but it doesn't start up, then it could be the system board. That'll cost you and you'd best pull the hard drive and anything else you feel is useful as spare parts like the DVD drive. You can get a pretty big monitor pretty cheap these days. Go to slickdeals.net or newegg.com for bargains. Buy a big enough monitor, a wireless keyboard and mouse and you can do stuff across the room. I know a few folks who use wacom tablets. They seem to be the in thing from freehand drawing digitally.
You could build your own PC like this guy did: http://blogs.zdnet.com/Ou/?p=912 . Most everything is on the systemboard these days. It's really not hard. Just ideas. You know how to do woodwork, so the computer case would look nicer than his.
Does the laptop only die after it's been on for a while? If so, it is a heat issue. Something is warming up and causing the system to suddenly die. Definitely hardware in that case.
I'd ask Apple to give you a replacement system. They likely know the problem and would want to replace the bad component, but if you ask for a quality escalation, they might just give you a refurbished system. It's cheaper for them to make you happy than lose you as a customer. Just be professional and polite, but firm with customer support. Describe the exact symptoms in a way that is reproducable, but any decent rep will have seen the issue before by now and know the solution. If the rep reads from a script, or doesn't appear knowledgeable, ask for an escalation or a more senior level tech. Have your serial number handy, or whatever identifiers Apple demands for support calls. Is the laptop still in warranty? If not, did you purchase an extended warranty with the retailer? If the latter, you have to take the laptop to the retailer for repair. If you know how customer support works, you are better off than if you are a regular end user who considers a computer to just be an appliance. You will also save yourself time and money if you have a friend who knows how to repair systems and can talk to customer support if he can't fix it.
I think that I shall never be as straight or as crooked as a tree.
Old computers don't die. They get recycled. Or resurrected.
Try re-formatting and re-installing. Or install
a new hardisk.
John - I skipped the details. It's the motherboard; it makes a weird buzzing sound. The computer turns on, fans and drives spin, but the screen stays blank. Do they call it a system board now? I'm glad that the hard drive is intact, as I have important stuff on it. I'll probably Craigslist the rest as spare parts. If I go PC, I'll probably see about buying Dell; I have a connection to buy at a discount. At work I have an LCD monitor with 24" diagonal viewable. It's pretty sweet. The wireless is a good idea. I just don't know where to start with picking specs anymore.
Yes, the laptop dies after it's been on. Don't think it's EVER died while plugged in to the charger. They said a firmware upgrade fixes it, but clearly it has not. I am 6 months past my warrantee, bought from Apple directly, didn't want to shell out for the add'l support (and now regretting it because the early models have had problems).
I'm not sure how to approach this with customer service; I took it in for a problem, I don't know at what point Apple realized it was the logic boards, but I thought it was the logic board when I took it in, which means that there was at least *talk* of it being that (since I did some reading online). So despite being past the magical year mark, I feel like the right thing to do is to resolve the problem because their first in-warrantee "fix" didn't. Luckily I can just go to an Apple store. But I don't know how I'll get a hold of someone who has the power to make the decision, and am worried they'll just say too bad, so sad. If their customer support pulls through, I'll buy another machine from them - if not, they've lost my business. In any event I'll try to stay patient and polite (and firm and insistent in the nicest way possible).
Siegfried - wish me luck.
Yellow beats brown any day, especially when the days get shorter and darker and all bright color is appreciated, at least by me.
Sorry about your computer mishaps. The technological age presents us with even more examples of anicca, doesn't it?
I got a Wacom tablet a long time ago. Never used it really. One reason was it was so small, with a drawing area about 4 X 6 inches... back then, the next bigger size cost nearly four times as much...
I sometimes feel myself more drawn to the smaller holidays. I haven't been to Mass in a year-and-a-half, but I want to hit Immaculate Conception / Buddha Day this year.
"Everyone's a sinner."
Everyone's a saint? :-)
I am surely the last one you would want to hear this from, but you are simply, I knew from your last post, ahead of your time....you have to sit it out somewhat while this world catches up to you. Of course, you may stay well ahead, but occassionally it will come close and you will know it, then lapses again as you wait. But waiting is preparing, nothing to do consciously, you just receive it, so be ready and prepared.
Sometimes big things are really small, smaller than even they think they are, tough but you sound fine to me, bear with it, lol.
I enjoyed the leaves, the colors and associations, thanks.
Family sounds very familiar, small thing too, in the long run, in my case dealing with it is being away from it more than with it.
My best to you.
Julie,
The processor could have died on the PC or just gotten loose in its slot. You can try reseating the processor and see if the system recovers and boots normally. Alternatively, you can take it to a repair place and have them swap out the CPU and see if she boots. If not, then it's the motherboard (systemboard is politically correct term (rolls eyes)). Since you took the Mac in for repairs and the issue was not resolved under warranty, technically Apple has to honor your warranty even after it's expired. They likely know it's a bad batch of components. You have a case for a quality escalation at the worst.
Memories of burnt orange---yes, autumn best reflects me. This year, for whatever reason it's red...on the Bradford pears and sugar maples.
Just an eye-candy year for me after seeing the colors in the mountains in mid October, then seeing the changes here in the Lowcountry (we usually don't have a fall here- one day green, then December- they fall) and in upstate SC during Thanksgiving week the colors were bursting.
I like your yard vision!
I'm not even going near the computer thing except to say... I conquered Vista and it ain't so bad. I will, one day, be an Apple person, however. I hope you get your woes fixed soon. My heart goes out-
On music, I'll have to explore songza. With facebook, I've discovered Pandora and have been glued to the Windham Hill station. There is so much incredibly beautiful music in the world.
"I wonder if I can look forward to this for the rest of my adult life, and the predictable conflict of family members that can't live and let live, and let everyone try to find his own way."
Uh- yeah. Understand. But, what's the alternative? (I don't know.) Maybe start your own custom, your own manner of holiday traditions.
"Everyone's a sinner- everyone's a saint." Catch this drift?
"Maybe all that's meaningful is the hope for something more."
Where are we without hope? Sounds like you need a week in Jamaica- not, wait... a week isn't enough, two weeks! Discover a little beach in Negril serving $1.00 Red Stripes and... there's no shortage of ganja to introduce you to yourself.... repeatedly, until you feel comfortable not caring who knows anything about you- or doesn't. (Don't smoke too much- bake some brownies, drink some tea-the lungs are too delicate.)
It takes work to know yourself! Sometimes not so serious work after all.
Of course I'm not at all serious about the ganja :)
Does it take work to know oneself? Doesn't it depend upon the being, the consciousness of the person since each of us is unique? There are two schools of Zen Buddhism - one school believes that monks have to learn to be enlightened and must work at it; the other school recognizes that enlightenment can happen spontaneously with the right stimulus or condition. Tolle is of the latter sort of beings. Quite possibly Jesus of Nazareth is as well, while the Buddha is of the former school and indeed, the founder of Buddhism. At times Julie seems like one of the latter sort of beings. There is that mystical element about her. Tolle and Jesus were mystics. But Julie is Julie and only she knows her state(s) of consciousness or state of beingness. And isn't enlightenment the ultimate freedom - freedom from suffering, labels, cultural and religious traditions? Freedom to Be?
Does it take work to know oneself?
If only to realize there is no work involved at all (if there ever is or was).
I, too believe we're all quite realized already- some may or may not know this. Doesn't really matter, either way (I believe).
The work comes in knowing- or not knowing.
We are BE-ings :)
Of course, I could be wrong.
Belief is usually opinion masquerading as certainty. Certainty from knowledge is no longer belief based upon faith. The latter goes beyond right and wrong, and is based upon truth/reality/actuality.
Speaking of pragmatism, I noticed how cold and windy it is in your area this day, very blustery and near icy if not that!
I thought therefore, of the trees and leaves, colors and moods from your post, nothing personal, beauty is universal.
Good luck with the myriad of needs, stay warm against the weather, enjoy yourself within.
"Belief, opinion, certainty..."
I'm very, very comfortable resting in saying I really know nothing... except I like fall leaves, computers that work and I believe in a thing called love.
JB, you're outta my league... I can't think as deeply as you :)
Pardon me again, I won't make this a habit, but this might be of a little interest, knowing your many talents..
La Reunion TX : December 2007, For first-class globally-minded citizens...
Do you know someone who appreciates the finest things in life? Make Space For Art is La Reunion's preeminent program for 2008 — an international architecture exhibition to generate ideas for artist studio and housing space on our 35-acre site in Oak Cliff. Our blue ribbon jury includes Mark Gunderson, AIA of Fort Worth; Rick Brettell of UT--Dallas; Rick Lowe of Project Row Houses in Houston; Louise Harpman of UT--Austin; and Max Levy, FAIA of Dallas. Entries are pouring in from Egypt, Sweden, China, Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Canada, The Slovak Republic, Finland, and the UK. Sponsorship levels for this event range from the $25,000 Fourier Founders to the $2,500 Cantegral Corps (so-named for members of the historic La Reunion colony). If you or your company want to benefit from marquee recognition in association with this premiere event, please link here for more information.
Oak Cliff, adjacent to Downtown Dallas, is being completely overhauled to be THE upscale living Arts District of Dallas, and a showcase of restored homes, it is in the early stages but well underway.
Don't mean to be a bother. Thanks.
Sorry about the links in the blurb, try this should you will..
200Make Space For Art http://www.lareuniontx.org/architecture.html
blue ribbon jury http://www.lareuniontx.org/archjury.html
historic La Reunion colony http://www.lareuniontx.org/about.html
link here for more information (entry material) http://www.lareuniontx.org/architecture/sponsor_onesheet.pdf
Wow - so much happening here - yay!
Jon - it's been getting darker and darker here, bitterly cold too. Blech. All things being impermanent, it would be nice if some would function for a reasonable length of time! I'm thinking of the 6x11 special package. It would be nice to spend the holidays away from my family and all the tiresome things that come with it.
Night sky - I liked that sentence. Still do. To them, everyone else is a sinner. Never mind that in the Christian tradition, everyone, yes, everyone, is a sinner. And aside from that, well, why in the hell do people have to trouble themselves with judging everybody. Too much negative energy. Everyone's a saint in disguise.
Jim - thanks for the encouragement. Think globally and next to nothing's unreasonable; think specifically and you can't see past the bubble of your own life...
I commented last night to a friend that my family's just incapable of grasping that other people might understand things differently and might be building their understanding upon different base premises that are equally valid. But to them, there's only one set of true conclusions, the others are just all sadly misinformed... makes me sick.
John - I'll try fussing with the processor. I despise political correctness. And I'm very glad to hear that Apple's on the hook to help me out (whenever I get the time for it...)
Tommy - Send some pears? You had such nice tree photos a few weeks ago. Chicago tends to have a one-week transition period. Drop. I can't wait to have a yard, a house. In my neighborhood, you're looking between $800K and $1.5M, depending. Condos bigger than a shoebox are well over $200K. I'll check out Windham Hill. The alternative to my family - would be that people don't insist upon "knowing better" than the next guy, that they understand that you can't just hand the answers to come people, and just friggin be happy if they're happy without having to judge every nut and bolt. They have not rejected my boyfriend prima facie, but if they read my blog, they'd surely reject me. You see, I'm not "sadly misinformed" for believing differently - say, being happy for a gay couple that have a great lifelong relationship. I'm not "sadly misinformed" - I have drawn my conclusions from different premises. End of friggin story. My tradition will be to surround myself with positive people. A couple weeks away from this damn job would be welcome. Let me do something creative with the best hours of my day already... and drinking does a lovely job of taking the edge off of things. But I can't just go hacking my family out of my life and discarding them, so it's probably better not to make waves. I've started wearing a dust mask all the time at the pottery studio. It's not the clay, it's every time you move a piece of plastic, raises a dust cloud. Intoxication sounds lovely.
John - The problem is not so much knowing or not knowing as failing to find acceptance with the people who want to stuff me in seven years ago's mold and will accept nothing else. After all people tend do socialize with those that reinforce their beliefs, that are the same. I really prefer not to overthink the rest - enlightened or not - sure, let's just say enlightened. Still chop wood, carry water. And I hang with people who have a good energy, take whatever shows up - they can be different, they just have to let me bring my thing to it, rather than what they want me to bring.
Tommy - You two are gonna go at it forever won't you? John's got a pretty complex logical construction going on, I wouldn't tangle with that thing :)
Anyway, I came to the conclusion sometime that we're all there already, or something, I think I remember you liking it. I don't know if I internalized the conclusion or it just went away. If you're okay with what you believe and you're not hurting anyone to do it, then I'm okay with you. I wish "do no harm" were so plainly part of the Christian faith.
John and Tommy - Once you've internalized something, then you really know it. If you don't know if you've had that experience, then it's fairly likely that you haven't. Everybody sees a different Truth and thinks it's the only one, doesn't understand why everyone else doesn't get it, and we're at war again.
Jim - Bitter and icy. Sucked. I think there are some leaves left but I wasn't paying attention, kept my chin tucked in my collar.
I. When I was a kid and had to mow the lawn I pestered my parents to Astroturf it instead. It was a big yard with lots of maple trees.
II. I have to drop a couple thousand dollars unexpectedly, too--my wife's car died. So, just to say I'm experiencing that, too.
Everyone else is talking now, so I'll shut up.
Everybody sees a different Truth and thinks it's the only one, doesn't understand why everyone else doesn't get it, and we're at war again.
There are absolute truths and there are relative truths. Is your statement about relative truths? If I jump out of a window w/o a parachute at a sufficient height, I'm going to go splat when I hit the pavement. That's pretty much a universal truth within terrestrial boundaries. Few would argue that any other sort of outcome would occur. As far as metaphysical arguments, well, there is no proof is there. As Richard Jeni put it, when one is fighting a religious war, the side that wins claims that they had the better imaginary friend. But that is not proof of any concrete nature. :)It's just a bloodthirsty quest for power masquerading as religious belief.
This is the twentieth - twentieth! - response to this post. My word, what action!
Andrew, you're welcome to write as much or little as you'd like, about whatever catches your fancy here.
John, this is all such dense writing. Jeni's is one point of view, though quite a humorous reflection upon others'. I didn't think my comment unclear, but, as a start, it would apply to anything that one person takes as fact and another doesn't, demonstrability aside.
Yes, but that's what mankind has been coming to grips with, isn't it. You might have Luddites who in spite of the evidence (reproducible at that) want the world to remain static and stable within their world view. Then you have other people who are a little bit more open minded. Yet, nothing lasts. Language changes, customs change, views change, traditions change. The Luddites will not win. The best any one can hope for is that they can adapt to the changes no matter how drastic. This goes for institutions, religions, and other cultural entities as well. The Christianity that is practiced today is not the Christianity of the past, even maybe say 20 years ago. Reality will always win despite what any one thinks or believes, and then people accommodate the "new" reality, or make up a story to make the reality fit into their mental framework. It's as old as the Bible.
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